Risk Read online

  RISK

  Marissa Holan

  Published by Marissa Holan, LLC

  Cover Design: Madelene Martin

  Edited by: Metamorphosis Editing Services

  Author Photography by: Dana Conley

  Ebook formatting by www.ebooklaunch.com

  Copyright © 2015 by Marissa Holan

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

  Any trademarks, service marks, product names or named features are assumed to be the property of their respective owners and are used for reference. There is no implied endorsement of any products.

  The names and events in this novel are fictional and not based on anything else, fictional or non-fictional.

  Table of Contents

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Epilogue

  About the Author

  Chapter 1

  "Daddy!" The familiar cry had my eyes fluttering open. Groggily, I peered at the clock on my nightstand.

  3:00 a.m. Awesome.

  I peeled the covers off of me and padded down the hallway to Jack's room.

  "Daddy!" he screamed again, flailing in his bed. The nightmares used to crush me, but I was so used to them now that I'd become numb.

  "Shh…it's okay, baby. Mommy's here," I whispered as I lowered to the side of Jack's bed, stroking his sweat dampened hair away from his forehead. Jack opened his teary eyes and peered at me with that familiar heartbreaking look. "Is Daddy back yet?" His voice was tired. He was still in that half-dream half-reality state.

  "No, baby. Daddy's with the angels, remember?" I gave him a reassuring smile that seemed to be second nature to me now. When the nightmares first started happening, I could barely face him. It took everything I had not to break down and cry with him. My heart broke for my precious little boy who was robbed of a father. After I calmed Jack down and rock him back to sleep, I would lock myself in the bathroom and cry myself ragged. It'd been over a year since David died, and in that time I've had to learn how to fake happiness. For Jack's sake. It wouldn't be fair to him to lose both of his parents, so I sucked it up and tried to smile. One day at a time.

  As soon as Jack's breathing became low and even again, I snuck out of his room and crawled back into my bed. I had to be up in three hours to start my new job. David's military benefits helped us live, but if I wanted to finish my degree I would need childcare and that didn't come cheap. I dropped out of school after David's death, but I was ready to face the world again. At least I hoped so. I was a twenty three year old single mom to a four year old boy. I needed to get my act together. Quick.

  BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

  The alarm raged as I blindly smacked at my night table searching for the snooze button. I dragged myself out of bed and turned on the shower. As I waited for the water to heat up, I stared at myself in the mirror, or at least what was left of me. I used to be pretty. Prom queen pretty. But that felt like a lifetime ago. My face seemed more sallow now, probably from my lack of appetite. My brown eyes that had once been my best feature were constantly drooping from lack of sleep. I hadn't had a haircut in what seemed like a lifetime, so my once beautiful chestnut hair now hung in a dull lifeless mess. I stepped under the steaming shower and forced myself to think about the day ahead of me. I tried to talk myself into being excited.

  I got out of the shower and stood at the closet in my towel, completely clueless as to what to wear my first day of work. I was fortunate enough to get a job in the library of the college I was going to attend, and even more so that there was a daycare right across the street from the college that gave student discounts. Exhausted, and frankly not giving a crap what I looked like, I grabbed a black quarter sleeve shirt, a gray pencil skirt, and some simple black heels. I wrapped my hair in a neat bun, slapped on some mascara and lip gloss, and called it good.

  Jack and I ate cereal together at the little dining table in the little kitchen of our little apartment.

  "You excited about making some new friends today, buddy?" I asked, ruffling his sandy blond hair.

  "Mm-hmm!" Jack nodded eagerly with his mouth full of cheerios. I laughed and made funny faces at him until milk was dripping out of the side of his mouth. I loaded up my purse with all of the necessities, double and triple checking I had everything I needed. It'd been a while since I was a functioning member of society, and I didn't want to screw it up on my first day by forgetting my cell phone or something.

  "Let's hit the road Jack!" I called from the front hallway. Jack came barreling around the corner with his new backpack and a genuine smile on his face that made my eyes sting. Seeing him happy was worth any discomfort I had to endure.

  We pulled up to the daycare and walked to the front door. Jack's excitement faltered a bit when he took in the giant room full of kids.

  "It's okay, buddy," I reassured him. "I'll be right across the street. I can be here at the speed of light if you need me."

  "Like superman?" he asked, visibly relaxing.

  "More like superwoman." I smiled, hugging him close to me. I ignored the pangs of guilt I felt when I saw fathers hugging their children goodbye. I wanted Jack to be tough, so I had to be tough too. I watched him as he cautiously entered the vast play area, and let go of the breath I was holding when he joined some of the kids by the toys. He smiled back at me and waved. I waved too, holding back tears. I took stock of how lucky I was that Jack was making this transition easy for the both of us. He was such a sweet, good boy.

  As I pulled into a parking spot in front of the massive library building, my phone buzzed. I reached into my purse and noticed I had a text message from Lizzy.

  Good Luck Sweet cheeks ;)

  I laughed to myself before texting back.

  Thanks Doll! Xo

  Lizzy had been my best friend forever—more of a sister, really. We grew up together in Iowa, and when David got stationed in Michigan, it was miserable being away from her. She visited as much as she could and was even present for Jack's birth. When David died, she packed up everything she owned and transferred to the University of Michigan. She wanted to be near me and help out with Jack. I guess she knew there was no way I would be going back to Iowa. Too many memories.

  I walked through the tall glass doors of the University's library and headed to the front desk. "Hi, I'm Kitrina Matthews. Today's my first day," I said sheepishly to the older woman who was clicking away on her keyboard. In a swift movement and only taking one hand off the keyboard, she handed me a badge that read:

  University of Michigan Library

  Kitrina Matthews

  It looked very official. It even made me smile a bit.

  "The books on the cart need to be put back on the shelves, you get two fifteen minute breaks, and one thirty minute lunch," she rattled off, keeping her eyes on her computer screen. "If you have any questions, just ask." I got the feeling she didn't really want me to ask any questions.

  "Thanks…er, I'll get started," I said as I pulled the badge over my head and let it hang like a necklace. I walked over to what looked like an endless row of carts with books randomly stacked on top. I had no idea what I was doing, but I wasn't about to ask Mrs. Sourface for help. />
  After about an hour and a half, I finally figured out the number system on the spine of the books. I began replacing the books on the cart to their rightful spot when I found myself in the biography section trying to put The Life of John Adams on the top shelf. I couldn't reach it if I jumped. "Where's the dang footstool?" I muttered under my breath.

  "I think I caught someone using it in the fiction section," A deep voice crooned behind me. I was so startled that I almost jumped out of my skin. I turned my head to thank whoever was talking to me, but just as I caught his eyes, my breath caught in my throat and I was mute. He was gorgeous. Painfully gorgeous. He was so tall I had to lift my head to meet his eyes. His pitch black hair was in complete contrast with his almost iridescent blue eyes. The chiseled ridge of his jaw told me he had muscles, and the smug glint in his eyes told me he knew just how attractive he was. I was still staring speechlessly when he plucked my badge off of my shirt and turned it over to read it.

  "Kitrina…" he said slowly, in an almost seductive tone. He held my gaze as he took the book from my hands and placed it on the top shelf.

  "Th-thanks," I stammered. Clearly it had been way too long since I'd been this close to a member of the opposite sex. I needed to get a grip.

  "See you around, Kit." He winked as he strode away. I managed to regain my composure and give myself a mental lecture about not acting like a drooling pre-teen.

  Another hour passed, and I was finally getting into a rhythm with the books.

  Hands covered my eyes. "Guess who?" Lizzy's voice squeaked. I shook her off my face and swung around to meet her with a bear hug. We did the girly hug-and-jump thing and tried to keep our trilling to a whisper. It wasn't like we never saw each other; we saw each other all the time. I guess it was just the novelty of me working where she was going to school.

  "What are you doing here?" I asked, releasing her. Lizzy fussed with her silky straight blonde hair and adjusted her skirt. What I loved about Lizzy was that she was model pretty without the attitude.

  "I'm on lunch, thought I'd come by and see my best girl." She winked. "How's the first day going?" she asked, blowing a bubble with her gum.

  "So far so good I think." I shrugged. "The lady at the front desk doesn't seem too fond of me, but on the bright side, I made a complete and utter fool of myself in front of the hottest guy in Michigan," I grumbled.

  Her brows arched. "Do tell," she said with a wicked grin. I peered over her shoulder and nodded to one of the tables in the middle of the library.

  "That guy—the one with the black hair—said something to me and I undressed him with my eyes." I sighed. "Pretty blatantly." Lizzy turned her head around to take in the table full of guys. When her eyes found him she rounded on me.

  "Good," she bit out, folding her arms.

  "Good?" I asked.

  "Yeah, Good. I'm glad you made an ass of yourself. That's Caden Tate." She emphasized his name like I had a clue as to who he was. "He's gorgeous, filthy rich, and only good at two things: being a smug condescending asshat, and making girls cry," she said matter-of-factly. "I'm all for you getting back on the saddle and yadda yadda yadda, but not with him." She gave me a pointed look. "I'm serious, Kitrina. He's bad news."

  Surprised by how adamant she was, I couldn't help but wonder. "Did you…?"

  "Hell no" She threw her head back in a laugh. "I don't have enough daddy issues to allow my dignity to take a hit like that," she said as she examined her nails.

  I laughed and rolled my eyes. "I gotta get back to work. Pizza tonight at my house?"

  "Heck yeah!" She kissed my cheek before bouncing off. Thinking about what she had said about Caden, I glanced back at the table.

  He was staring right at me. The corner of his mouth lifted in a wickedly sexy grin, like he knew exactly what Lizzy had said to me. I held his gaze for probably longer than I should have before I returned to work.

  I clocked out for my lunch break and headed to the front doors.

  "Learn anything interesting?" Caden's melodic voice whispered in my ear. I jumped, startled. Again.

  "About what?" I replied, silently congratulating myself for forming words.

  "You're new, right? I don't recognize you, and I couldn't help noticing your friend giving me the death stare." He smirked. "I figured she was enlightening you."

  Annoyed at how arrogant he was and wanting to keep Lizzy's confidence, I shrugged and continued toward the door. He was by my side in a second, keeping pace with me. "I'm Caden, by the way." He leisurely put his hands in his pockets and glanced at me expectantly. I didn't say anything. Besides, he already knew my name. After a few beats he continued talking. "I'm guessing your friend told you I was the big bad wolf and you should stay away from me, right?" he said with amusement.

  "Something like that," I admitted.

  "Don't believe everything you hear, Kit."

  "Are you saying you're not a total whore?" I kept my eyes forward. I was sure I was more brazen because I wasn't looking him in the eye.

  "Ouch." He put his hand over his chest in mock devastation. I rolled my eyes. Lizzy really had nothing to worry about. I didn't care how hot he was, he was way too smug for my taste. Nothing like David. David was the sweetest, most thoughtful person—aside from Lizzy—that I had ever met. I shook the thought from my head. The last thing I wanted to do was start comparing other guys to David. In the end, it was all irrelevant. A boyfriend was absolutely not on the agenda. The thought of bringing another man into Jack's life made me nauseous. I knew Jack needed a father figure. It kept me up at night. But I just couldn't risk him getting attached to someone and then get his heart broken all over again if it didn't work out.

  "I only have a few minutes for lunch…" I was hoping he would get the hint.

  "Cool, I know a great place." He grabbed my elbow and led me in a different direction than I was going.

  "That wasn't an invitation," I said, irritatedly, but not moving out from his grip.

  He kept his eyes forward and grinned. "I know."

  We walked into a little café right off campus. It was charming and smelled like homemade soup.

  "What looks good?" he asked, eyes on the menu.

  "I don't know, I'll probably just get some soup." I shrugged, not really hungry. Caden was up at the counter ordering before I realized that he was buying my lunch. He took the number sign the cashier gave him and escorted us to a booth.

  "You didn't have to do that," I said, sliding into the red leather bench seat.

  He frowned. "It's soup, not a diamond ring, Kit. Relax." He leaned back in the seat and appraised me. I fidgeted with the hem of my skirt to take my mind off of the uncomfortable silence.

  "So, where you from, Kit?"

  "Iowa, originally. I've been here for about five years now." I swallowed hard, not wanting to give Caden too many details of my life.

  "Five years? Why have I never seen you around campus?"

  I shifted uncomfortably. "I just started working at U of M. I'll start attending classes next year. I had a few personal things to take care of…so I guess I'm just getting a late start." I shrugged nonchalantly. He didn't say anything. I could tell he was deciding whether to push for more details. Thankfully that's when our food came.

  "Enough about me, what about you?" I asked, desperately wanting to change the subject. "All I know so far is that you're a jerk and a misogynist. Oh, and you're rich." I smirked, enjoying being a little mean.

  He smiled, apparently just as amused. "I guess that's one version of me." He bit into his sandwich.

  "Is it accurate?" I raised a brow, challenging him. Was I flirting?

  He thought for a moment while he chewed. "Well…" he started. "Am I a jerk? Isn't everybody sometimes? Am I rich? Yes. Am I a misogynist?" He gave a one shoulder shrug. "In my opinion, no." He took another bite of his sandwich.

  "Good sell," I said dryly.

  He barked a laugh. "Contrary to what you may think, I'm not trying to sell you anything." He raise
d both hands innocently. "I'm not even trying to hit on you." His rueful smile gave away the fib.

  "Doesn't matter. Either way, I'm not available," I replied before I took a bite of my soup.

  He narrowed his eyes. "You got a boyfriend?"

  "Nope." I have a son.

  "Then why are you unavailable?" He leaned forward, holding my gaze.

  "Why does it matter? You're not hitting on me, remember?" I smiled playfully and returned to my soup.

  The walk back to the library was more pleasant than I had expected. Apparently Caden was a senior, but still a year older than me. He spent two years after high school goofing off, so his parents threatened to take away his trust fund if he didn't go to college. He told me all about the school and the teachers, which ones to either avoid or suck up to. He even made me laugh a few times.

  "Thank you for lunch, Caden," I said politely. "I'm going to get back to work now." I turned to walk through the door but he caught my arm.

  "Let's hang out." He was using his seductive voice. Ugh, why did he sound so sexy?

  "I…I really can't. I'm sorry." I turned and walked through the doors before I changed my mind.

  The rest of the day went by sluggishly. I missed Jack and hoped he was doing okay. My mind wandered to Caden against my will more than a few times. It didn't help that he would reappear at the library every hour or so after his classes were over. He sat at a table with a few other students and toggled between studying and laughing with his friends. Whenever I caved and glanced in his direction, he would look up as if he could sense me watching him, and wink. My stomach fluttered every time. Ugh, get a grip.

  When four O'clock finally came, I clocked out and rushed to my car as fast as I could. I desperately wanted to see my little guy. I drove across the street and practically ran to the door of the daycare.

  My heart clenched when I saw Jack playing Legos in the corner with another little boy. Relieved he made a friend, I blew out a breath and walked over to him.

  "Hey, buddy." I kneeled down to his level.